A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm at about main and main street
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
