Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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