This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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