I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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