So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
