Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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