I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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