i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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