the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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