So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
