good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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