you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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