Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
