I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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