is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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