She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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