Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
