Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
