Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
