that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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