A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
