Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
