sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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