JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
