Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
