people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
