wakey wakey hands off snakey
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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