I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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