I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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