I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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