I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
