if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
