so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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