if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
