It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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