she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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