I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
