i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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