you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
