hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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