He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
