I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize