I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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