YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she told me i tasted like america
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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