I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
