Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
