Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
