You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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