Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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