Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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