I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
