well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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