Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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