ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
