half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
