I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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