Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
