gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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