I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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