I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
