that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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