Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
