It's Friday. Sex?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
