do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
