Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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