he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
