i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
