i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
