I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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