Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
