I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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