I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she peed on how many people?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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