it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
