Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
