I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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