Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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