Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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