"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
