I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize